~ Mac N’ Cheese ~
Let me put it to you like this – here’s the menu’s photo of this mac:
…If a “you vs. the guy she tells you not to worry about” meme jumps to mind for all of you Millennial/Gen Z readers, you aren’t alone. I began sifting through my mental rolodex of roasts the moment our waitress set this abomination in front of me. I almost asked her for a straw to go with it but held my tongue, being the polite and courteous individual that I am; after all, perhaps that explains the substitution of straw-esque penne for cavatappi. Where the hell did they even get that menu photo? I was catfished, bamboozled, hoodwinked, by this temptress of a photo.
Could’ve been much worse, thank heavens. The chipotle and peppers were the saving grace that made this mac edible, and the only buoy of its score. I hardly paid the flavor any mind, however, as I was incredibly preoccupied with trying to avoid floating bits of corn.
I imagined, before diving into this “mac,” (pun intended) that its consistency would be akin to that of a chowder, or maybe a bisque. Boy, was I mistaken. I’d liken the viscosity of this sauce to that of a vinaigrette. My constructive criticism for the chef would be to ignore the part of the directions where they suggest reserving pasta water, because this “sauce” was about 90% good, old-fashioned H20.
I won’t even fill this category. Cheese is not a liquid.
The noodles, pepper chunks and loose bits of corn just bobbing around reminded me of the trash chute scene in Star Wars (A New Hope). I was expecting a tentacle to snatch my fork every time I went fishing for another noodle. In the words of Forrest Gump, “that’s all I have to say about that.”
I’ll let my favorite gif summarize my thoughts on this mac and cheese: